Last week I wrote about my coping techniques for maintaining mental health, this week I thought I would write about the opposite, what triggers my depression. I suffer from some anxiety too, so I will talk about that a bit as well.
Often these triggers will lead to low mood, low mood is not necessarily depression, for me it’s a warning sign that I need to take action, take care of myself, have some me time, get some rest, and possibly talk to someone. I have learned the early warning signs and instead of pushing through them like I used to, I try to do something about it as soon as I can. I can’t always curb my depression in this way, but perhaps it will be less severe, or not last for as long. Some triggers are more severe than others, and sometimes there is nothing I can do to stop myself sinking into depression.
Practice self care when reading this, some of these might be triggers for you too. There are references to intimidation and suffering.
Insufficient Sleep
Again, this one is obvious but if I have 2 or 3 bad nights, I am guaranteed to have a dip in mood. I have some mild sleeping pills that I got from my Doctor, so that if I have 2 bad nights, on the 3rd night I will take one, or if I am very anxious about something and struggling to sleep, I will take one. I don’t take them often, and they are prescribed by my Doctor. If you want to take anything to help you sleep, please discuss it with your Doctor first. I used to have a a lot of issues falling asleep but these days, I don’t have too many problems. Exercise, meditation and routine definitely help. I stop drinking coffee by around 4. I am in bed by 9:30, read a bit and then lights off by around 10. I wake up at around 7, this seems to work for me for the most part. I try to put my phone down by 9:30 but sometimes, I fail at that one. I used headspace and listen to sleep stories to help me drift off sometimes too. Conversely too much sleep also makes me feel a bit down.
Hormones
My cycle plays a huge role in my mood. 2 or 3 days before my period and around the time I ovulate as well, I notice definite low mood. I try to take extra self care steps around this time, and I also take a supplement called Chasteberry. Anecdotally I definitely think this provides some relief for me, but the medical studies on it have supported this as well.
‘’In clinical trials for the treatment of PMS, chasteberry reduced some symptoms, especially breast pain or tenderness, edema, constipation, irritability, depressed mood, anger, and headache‘’
Diet
Eating large amounts of salt or sugar makes me feel sluggish and bloated. Salt also makes my face and hands puffy. If I eat a load of sugar, I will have a crash afterwards, the crash makes me feel lethargic and low, my hands shake and I feel weak in my legs, this makes me want to eat more sugar. I find it quite hard to avoid sugar, I find it a comfort so I do tend to binge on sweet stuff, I am working on it.
Not feeling heard
In my past I have not always been listened to or taken seriously, because of depression and self medicating with alcohol, I have always felt (and been made to feel) like my problems were my own fault, any issue I had with anyone was because of me, not matter how badly that person treated me. If someone didn’t like me, it was because I was not likeable. If I was sick it was because I didn’t look after myself. If I couldn’t get out of bed, it’s because I was lazy. If I couldn’t do my job, I was a failure. I felt a lot of shame and very isolated. I now know that narrative of me is completely false, I am so far from lazy or unlikable. I had a lot of frustration around not being heard, a lot of the time people would tell me their point of view, their narrative of me, their take on my issues, they could tell me what I needed to do (stop drinking or think positive thoughts or whatever) and then not allow me to respond. I would have dreams about trying to scream and no sound coming out, or trying to tell someone something urgently and them just not listening, like shouting that the house was on fire and the person would just ignore me or tell me it isn’t on fire. I think that pretty much sums it up. So now I can be triggered by feeling that frustration at not being heard, if I have a disagreement with someone and they refuse to hear me, I have to walk away, remove myself from the situation and often the person. It is a form of abuse behaviour, (red flag alert, be careful of people that want to have their say but don’t let you have yours), I can‘t allow that in my life, I have learned to protect myself, when I feel that discomfort and frustration, I know I need to set boundaries, if the person does not respect those boundaries, I have to remove their access to me.
Shouting
I used to get really trigger by men shouting, I would be really anxious. These days I don’t really get triggered, I think if someone like my husband was shouting at me (he would never do that) I would probably not take it well. It is completely unacceptable to speak to another human being in an aggressive or derogatory manner regardless of the situation, it does still bother me, but more in a ‘’that’s not ok’’ way. Previously I would have been upset by it, but not said anything. It’s an abusive behaviour, used to silence and control the other person through fear. If you need to intimidate people in an attempt to gain control, you have no real control, no leadership skills and no character. Shouting doesn’t tell me that you are right, it tells me you are deeply afraid of being wrong. No matter how loud you get, I will still not find you worth listening to. Again, I won’t tolerate it for myself or anyone else. I will remove myself from these kinds of situations, after making my feelings known.
Suffering
This one is so hard, I am genuinely emotionally affected by the suffering of others, refugees, victims of abuse, animals, I struggle with it. Thinking too much about it definitely can push me into depression, but I don’t want to turn a blind eye either. I want to do what I can to help alleviate suffering. I really have to be careful to find the balance between caring, and wallowing in the misery of the world. What helps is being active about it. I am always doing what I can to help animals and people, I also try to focus on the good things in the world as well, the kind people doing amazing, brave things. I used to see people and animals suffering, and I would really internalise their pain. I would feel so hopeless, the problems of the world just seem too big, I’d sink into despair. Now I look at the problem/suffering and look into what others are doing to help, that gives me hope, then I come up with something I can do to help, however small. Sometimes it is raising funds for the organisation that is helping, sometimes it‘s raising awareness of the issues, sometimes it’s reading a book on the issue to educate myself on how to help (for example, how to communicate with a child with ASD), sometimes it’s changing my own habits (using less plastic, eating less meat) sometimes it’s adopting a cat from Dubai or helping a Ukrainian Refugee relocate to a more comfortable situation in the UK (current projects). It’s just doing what I can, while taking care of myself.
Clutter
I have a four year old in a very little house, so this is like pushing a boulder up a hill, but I do tend to feel worse if my safe space is chaotic. I try to maintain minimalism as far as I can.
I have mostly learned to deal with my triggers, this is most likely not all of them, there may be some I don’t even know about yet.
Get to know yourself, trust your gut and figure out what makes you feel unsafe and why. If someone is causing you to feel unsafe or bad about yourself, you need to rethink the relationship, set boundaries and see if they can respect them. Ultimately we need to figure out our triggers, work through them as much as possible, avoid them where we can and have a plan for when we do encounter them.
Wherever I can I remove myself and close the door behind me, but that isn’t always possible. For example if you are triggered by bright lights, or a commonly used word, or a certain smell, or any physical contact, or a person you are financially dependent on, it can be impossible to just walk alway, that is where the coping skills and survival plan come in. Reaching out for professional help in this situation, could help you formulate a plan and perhaps work through the trigger enough to be more able to cope.
If you Want more information on abusive behaviours, I spoke to a Psychologist about this topic on Episode 2 of Kindness is not Weakness on the YouTube channel:
If you are struggling with metal health, if you are in the UK, you can call Samaritans for free 24/7 on 116 123. They also have an app and advice on their website: https://www.samaritans.org
You can also find services in your area from Mind, where you can self refer for talking therapies, CBT or support groups:
You matter! You deserve happiness! It does get better!
Love as always
Tarryn
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